Friday, December 02, 2005


It is snowing outside and I am not the slightest bit happy about it. Had it been Christmas maybe I could feel generous and be happy for the children, but not now. It is cold, despite my putting a layer of clear vinyl over the patio doors, using bubblewrap for a cat flap so they can use the box outside (will not have that in the house.) This morning on waking I could see my breath. I ran the shower for some time steaming up the windows, and myself. I've run light bulbs that are normally off. I doubt candles help much but they look warm and give off illusory warmth which is better by far than none at all.

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I've had to keep my hands from forming into claws by keeping them moving, the cold makes them cramp. The positive upshot is that the new grandchild's baby blanket is nearly complete.

I dare not go outside, I can trip on flat carpet, slippery snow and ice, not a good idea. The dog was lovely this morning, not pulling at all, as though he knows. I'm having a lot of use of the lambs-wool sweater from Australia, my dear Lois, you are an angel.

Some moments I am greatly spurred by a desire to build a fire. I was told by a friend who,was a firefighter that so many of the fires in winter were because people were desperate to stay warm. I know it gets much worse. Here in my apartment it is now about 60 degree Fahrenheit. Imagine being homeless or having no gas or oil. The comparison makes me feel almost guilty for having even this level of comfort.

I did some laundry, wish I had a washer and dryer, I remember how nice it felt to pull on clothes just pulled from the drum of a hot dryer. Instead the clothes are hung about the apartment like a scene in n old honeymooners episode. This is not how I pictured my life in my fifties. That goodness I grew up not feeling entitled to all the perks of the first world or I would feel even more envy than I do now, envy for thermostats and laundry facilities. Still better than two years ago when I had no electric blanket, no heating pad, no toaster oven and could only afford one meal a day much of the time. So life is not that bad.

I think I am rambling a bit, but the agility of the mind seems is also not as agile as when I was very warm. How many days till spring?


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